


Tony vs. The Kitchen Sink

by rebelmeg



Series: Retired Superhero Battles Inanimate Objects [1]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Domestic Bliss, F/M, Fix-It, Fluff and Humor, Iron Family, Missing Scene, Morgan is helpful, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Pepper is extremely amused, Pepperony Week, Tony Stark-centric, Tony is not amused, tonystarklives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-07
Updated: 2019-08-07
Packaged: 2020-08-10 16:57:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20138857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rebelmeg/pseuds/rebelmeg
Summary: The kitchen sink has something against Tony.  He's sure of it.





	Tony vs. The Kitchen Sink

**Author's Note:**

  * For [remreader](https://archiveofourown.org/users/remreader/gifts).

> This was written for Day Four (or Five or Six, it's a flexible fic that way) of Pepperony Week 2019!
> 
> Y'all remember that two second scene in Endgame where Tony has issues with the hose on the sink? Yeah. In fandom, no detail ever goes to waste.

Glaring down at the still-dripping wet spot on his shirt, Tony decided that it was official.

He hated the kitchen sink. With a passion.

He and Pepper had been living in their new house on the shore of the lake for two months now, and this had to be at least the twentieth time that the sink had managed, in one way or another, to get him wet. Sometimes it was the little sprayer hose, sometimes it was the faucet itself, sometimes he had no idea how it happened. All he knew was that he was tired of having to change his shirt nearly every time he did the dishes, and that it never misbehaved for Pepper.

Oh, and he’d tried to fix it. He had. He’d adjusted and tightened every single part of the faucet, hose, and all the plumbing underneath. There was literally no reason for it to be acting up the way it was, and if Tony Stark was offended by _anything_, it was something not working right after he got his hands on it.

“Pepper, I’m gonna get a replacement faucet for this sink.”

His wife, who was sitting at the counter adjacent to him, looked up and smiled at the wet spot. “It’s still not working?”

“Only for me. For you, it works just fine, no problems whatsoever. But me? This sink has it out for me.”

She grinned wider and scooted a dish towel towards him. “You sure you’re not just using it wrong?”

Tony sent her a withering look, glaring as she giggled. “It is a sink, Pepper. I can figure out a sink.”

She raised an eyebrow and glanced pointedly at the wet spot he was dabbing. “You sure?”

“Okay, nope, this is spousal abuse and I’m gonna take you upstairs and spank you.” Tossing the dish towel in the sink, Tony rounded the counter and tugged his giggling wife off her chair, heading for the stairs that led up to the bedrooms on the second floor. “Assuming you’re up to that kind of thing, of course.

“Little bean is doing just fine,” Pepper replied as she put a hand over her baby bump, following her husband’s lead up the stairs contentedly. “Probably because the kitchen sink likes him or her better than you.”

“Rude. You’re rude to me. I’m gonna tattle on you when you pop that kid out and tell them you were mean to me.”

Pepper was still laughing as Tony pulled her into his arms at the top of the stairs, kissing her soundly.

* * *

Tony was swearing, very quietly, to himself as he batted around for the wrench he’d just put down. He was flat on his back under the kitchen sink, his top half wiggled into the cupboard, tools and parts of the sink’s plumbing scattered around him. He was going to fix this damn thing if it was the last thing he did.

“Morgan? You still being good?”

The toddler’s babble answered back, and it was clear she was still sitting at the kid-sized table with her toys, coloring book, and crayons. Tony figured he had at least five more minutes before she lost interest and was ready to move on to the next activity, so he started putting the pipes back together. “Alright, lemme finish this and then we’ll go play in the rowboat.”

“Wo boat!”

The angle he was at made tightening the piece he was working on particularly difficult, and he grunted with the effort as he answered back. “Yup, soon as I get this… stupid… thing—ow! Fixed.”

He muttered another slew of curses under his breath as he rubbed at the new bruise on his elbow and glared fiercely at the underside of the sink. “I’m going to win. You are a mere lifeless collection of parts and I am Anthony Edward Stark, genius, billionaire, daddy, philanthropist. I will win.” He set to reassembling the pipes with renewed vigor and determination.

For at least thirty seconds.

“Dada?”

That was… wrong. That voice had not come from across the room, that had come from _over his head_. “Morgan?!” Was she up on the counter?!

She sounded utterly delighted. “Dada!”

Was she in the sink?!

Another string of babble, and then Tony heard the worst kind of sound… the faint squeak of the faucet handle.

“Morgan, no, don’t turn on the—”

A deluge of water silenced him rather effectively.

Five minutes later, Pepper was laughing her head off as she headed out the door to the rowboat, holding Morgan’s hand, and Tony slopped his way upstairs, still dripping, to change his clothes.

* * *

With a heavy, woebegone sigh, Tony turned around in front of the kitchen sink and tried to ignore the way the cold water was making goosebumps rise all over his skin. His grease-stained white tank top was absolutely soaked, and he honestly had no idea what had even happened that time.

“Pepper, I’m begging you, just let me replace the faucet.”

She didn’t even bother to hide her grin as she flipped through the book she was reading on the couch. “But I so enjoy watching you struggle with it.”

Tony plucked at the wet fabric over his stomach, shivering a little. “That’s mean.”

“Maybe, but it makes for a great view.” She made no attempt to hide the way she was eyeing him over the rim of her coffee mug, apparently appreciating the unexpected wet t-shirt contest.

Glancing down at himself, Tony noted that the shirt was basically transparent, then cocked an eyebrow at his wife. “You don’t say?”

She just nodded smugly, a dark, sexy gleam in her eye.

Tony stripped the tank top off and over his head, letting it fall to the floor with a wet _plop_. “Well damn, honey, if you wanted a show, all you had to do was ask.”

He loved her giggle so, so much.

As much as he loved the way she ran up the stairs ahead of him, and tugged him into their bedroom, a smile still on her mouth as she kissed him.

Tony was going to have to write a very sincere thank you note to Nebula and Rhodey for taking Morgan to the zoo.

Later, though. Much later.

* * *

“Tony, honey…”

“Yes, my Pepper pot?”

“I’m sure you know what you’re doing,”

“Such confidence you inspire, my goodness. Stop with the compliments.”

“But that faucet has no handle.”

Tony grinned and stepped back once he put the finishing touches on the brand new kitchen faucet. “You are correct.”

“Is there a reason _why_ that faucet has no handle?”

“Because,” Tony gestured grandly, “it is a touch-sensitive faucet.”

“Uh huh.” Pepper didn’t look nearly as impressed as he thought she should.

“No, seriously, look.” Tony leaned over and touched the top of the faucet with his finger, and the water immediately turned on. “Don’t even need handles, you just touch it to turn it on.”

“And how do you control the temperature?”

“The side, right here.” He showed her the little red and blue circles on the metal base of the faucet where handles or knobs would be. “You just tap on them to increase the hot or cold water, and then you can slide up or down the faucet right here to get a higher or lower water pressure.” He demonstrated all the functions, looking immensely proud of himself, especially as Morgan dragged a stool over and stood on it so she could see better.

Pepper couldn’t help a knowing smile. “Did you pick that sink specifically because it has no handles that can leak and spray you with water, or just because it’s cool and high tech?”

He narrowed his eyes at her. “Both.”

Morgan started testing out the sink, copying what she’d seen her dad do, still young enough at six years old to be easily enthralled with something new.

Pepper shook her head and kissed Tony’s cheek. “I think I might miss your fights with this sink. It’s been a lot of fun.”

“For you, maybe.” Tony snorted, but he kissed her back and blew a raspberry on her neck.

Morgan was still playing with the water while her parents did the love-dovey stuff they did all the time. She was making the water go hot and cold, playing with the pressure so it went from a trickle to a full stream, turning it off and on over and over. And then, when it was turned on full-blast, she cupped her hands around the end of it… and sprayed water all over her father.

The three of them went stock still as Tony blinked, his face and chest dripping. Morgan’s eyes were so wide they were round as quarters, and Pepper bit her lip, hard. 

Tony glanced down at himself slowly, taking in the enormous wet spot on his t-shirt, and the way the water on his face was dripping off onto his shoes. Then he sighed.

“If you’ll excuse me, ladies, I’m gonna go to my bedroom and cry.”

Still trying to stifle her laughter, and failing more and more as each second passed, Pepper kissed his cheek as he passed her. She and Morgan waited until he was upstairs, listening for the bedroom door to close, then looked at each other.

“Oops,” Morgan whispered.

With a choked off snort, Pepper lost her control, laughing so hard that by the time Tony came back down the stairs, wearing dry clothes, she was in tears and Morgan was in the throes of a giggle fit.

“I’ve decided that the sink is haunted, and I’m never touching it again.” He announced, and without further ado he grabbed his mug of coffee, kissed both his girls, and went out to the garage where the sink didn’t have a grudge against him at all.


End file.
